Holly Never Left

Exceptions are ideas and actions never planned
From that day till this moment, I’ll never understand
How something long stored, put away, sober not by choice
Could ever return, blue eyes, soft whispering of her voice

Yes, she was gone, gone longer than she’s here
She lit up a room, very dark, that contrast so clear
And looked at me; looked but she never knew
How short, how fleeting, how mindless, how true

I thought that softness, innocents, left forever on knees
Digging and burying, that moment suddenly to freeze
Everything from then on was meant to remain
That voice, those eyes, those feelings, so hard to explain

The brick wall, dark alleys, dark room, a place to escape
Eyes hover above, would she’d take predators bait?
As I dug and I planted what seemed like good seeds
Came to nothing, so dry, just nothing but weeds

As I touch the ground, as I look for solitude, and peace
As I grow older, much slower, I know, soon to cease
Stuck in time is that girl who never, ever changed
That girl with the key, with my mind rearranged

Maybe it’s nothing, made up, the mind can do tricks
Alone for so long, leaves you broken, too late to fix
Thinking and remembering about what softness really is
But wearing the scars and calloused, only the dust I kissed

The person in my corner keeps urging me to fight
Keep the left up in defense, lead with the right
Against the ropes I stumbled, that’s not just a cliché
I was tricked into this match, now on a canvas I stay

In that moment, in the confusion, I staggered and looked
I tried, my vision showing me shadows, clarity forsook
Holly left me alone, do you remember the sun and hard ground?
Why do this again, the pain straight in, then around and around

Living it once and hiding, buried, and looking another way
I tried to replace it and pretend she understood, a short spring play
Acting it out was harder than granite in that quickened end
Time never stood still for me; I know I lost my only friend

If it leaves you once, and you are left to pick up the piece
Pieces so shattered so wrecked, it’s easier to stop and cease
But to return to a spot, a place as lonely as a darkened cemetery
Takes all that you have, for that journey will leave you just as wearily

I wonder about that time often, I wonder about blame
It feels like war where all are invited yet I only came
Did I escape? Was I captured? I’m not sure I really know
But I do know this, from the damage done, I took too many a blow

11-18-21